愚人節(jié)整蠱笑話集錦(中英文對(duì)照)

a guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan。

he asks, "what was that for?"

she says, "i found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'betty sue' written on it."

he says, "jeez, honey, 'betty sue' was the name of the horse i bet on." she shrugs and walks away。

three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan。

he asks, "what was that for?"

she answers, "your horse called."

一個(gè)家伙正在看報(bào)紙，他的妻子走到他身后，用一只煎鍋敲他的后腦勺。他問(wèn)道：“這是為什么?”她說(shuō)：“我在你口袋里發(fā)現(xiàn)了一張寫有‘betty sue’的紙條?！彼f(shuō)：“哎呀，親愛(ài)的，‘betty sue’是我賭的那匹馬的名字。”她聳了聳肩，走了。三天后他正在看報(bào)紙，妻子走到他身后，又用一只煎鍋敲他的后腦勺。他問(wèn)：“這又是為什么?”她答道：“你的馬打電話來(lái)了?！?/P>

a man was hit by a cab in the street. he was brought to the hospital。

his wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "i think that he is very ill."

"i am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor。

hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "i"m not dead. i"m still alive."

"be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

一個(gè)男人在街上被出租車撞倒送進(jìn)了醫(yī)院。他的妻子站在他的床前對(duì)醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“我想他傷得很厲害?！?/P>

醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“恐怕他已經(jīng)死了?！?/P>

聽到醫(yī)生的話，這個(gè)男人轉(zhuǎn)動(dòng)著頭說(shuō)：“我沒(méi)死，我還活著?！?/P>

妻子說(shuō)：“安靜，醫(yī)生比你懂得多?！?/P>

in the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. she explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. a wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "you are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "madam, i shall realize my lifelong ambition. sit down at that table and write 'i went through a red light' five hundred times."

在中西部一個(gè)大城市的交通法庭里，一位年輕女士被帶到法官面前，她由于開車闖紅燈被開了罰單。女士向法官解釋，她是一名學(xué)校老師，請(qǐng)求法官馬上處理她的案子，以便可以趕回去上課。法官眼中閃過(guò)一絲狡黠，說(shuō)道：“你是學(xué)校的老師，對(duì)嗎?女士，我馬上要實(shí)現(xiàn)我畢生的愿望了。在那張桌子旁坐下，寫‘我開車闖了紅燈’500遍?！?/P>

on the way home one night, i spotted some fresh-cut roses outside a florist's shop. after selecting a dozen and entering the shop, i was greeted by a young saleswoman。

一天晚上回家的路上，我看到一家花店外面有一些剛剪下來(lái)的玫瑰。我挑了一打，走進(jìn)店里，一個(gè)年輕的女售貨員跟我打了個(gè)招呼。

"are these for your wife, sir?" she asked。

“先生，這些是送給你妻子的嗎?”她問(wèn)道。

"yes," i said。

“是的，”我說(shuō)。

"for her birthday?" she asked。

“她的生日?”她問(wèn)。

"no," i replied。

“不是，”我回答。

"for your anniversary?"

“你們的結(jié)婚紀(jì)念日?”

"no," i said again。

“不是，”我又答道。

as i pocketed my change and headed toward the door, the young woman called out, "i hope she forgives you."

當(dāng)我將找回的錢裝進(jìn)口袋，朝門口走去時(shí)，那年輕的女人沖我喊道：“希望她能原諒你。”

after being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.when he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "i have some bad news. my grandfather just died.""thank heavens," his date replied. "if yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

和盲約對(duì)象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了個(gè)朋友給他打電話，這樣他就能借故先離開了。當(dāng)他回到桌邊，他垂下眼睛，裝出一副陰沉的表情，說(shuō)：“有個(gè)不幸的消息，我的祖父剛剛?cè)ナ懒恕！薄爸x天謝地!”他的約會(huì)對(duì)象說(shuō)，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了!”

teacher of physical education: have you ever seen mixed doubles, boys?

nick: yes, sir. quite often. i saw it even last night。

teacher: please tell us something about it。

nick: oh, sorry, sir. my father always says, 'domestic shame should not be published.'

體育老師：孩子們，你們見(jiàn)過(guò)男女混合雙打嗎?

尼克：見(jiàn)過(guò)，老師，經(jīng)常見(jiàn)。就在昨天夜里我還見(jiàn)過(guò)呢?

老師：你給大家講講當(dāng)時(shí)的情形吧。

尼克：啊，對(duì)不起，老師。我爸爸常說(shuō)，家丑不可外揚(yáng)。

a guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage。

"come on, miss!" he shouted. "shut the door, please!"

"oh, i just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back。

"you just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and i'll see to the rest."

一位車上的列車員剛發(fā)出信號(hào)讓火車啟動(dòng)，這時(shí)他看見(jiàn)一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站臺(tái)上一節(jié)打開的車廂門旁邊，跟車廂里另一位漂亮姑娘在說(shuō)話。

“快點(diǎn)，小姐!”他喊道：“請(qǐng)把門關(guān)上。”

“噢，我還沒(méi)有和妹妹吻別呢。”她回答道。

“請(qǐng)把門關(guān)上好了，”列車員說(shuō)：“其余的事由我負(fù)責(zé)?！?/P>

one day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. the city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. the city man said to the farmer," i see that your pig likes apples, but isn't that quite a waste of time?" the farmer replied," what's time to a pig?"

一天，有一個(gè)城市里的游客來(lái)到一個(gè)小鄉(xiāng)村，在鄉(xiāng)間路上開著車，想看看農(nóng)莊是什么樣子，也想看看農(nóng)夫怎樣種田過(guò)日子。這位城里人看見(jiàn)一位農(nóng)夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱著一頭豬，并把它舉得高高的，好讓它能夠吃到樹上的

蘋果。城里人對(duì)農(nóng)夫說(shuō)，"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的，但是，這不是很浪費(fèi)時(shí)間嗎?"那位農(nóng)夫回答說(shuō)，"時(shí)間對(duì)豬有什么意義?"

will and bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger man. will said, “well, you know the pacific ocean ? my father's the one who dug the hole for it?！?/P>

bill wasn't impressed, “well, that's nothing. you know the dead sea ? my father's the one who killed it!”

威爾和比爾在為誰(shuí)的父親更強(qiáng)壯而爭(zhēng)吵。威爾說(shuō)：“喏，你知道太平洋嗎?就是我爸爸為它挖的洞?！?/P>

比爾不屑一顧：“噢，那沒(méi)什么。你知道死海嗎?那是我爸爸殺死的?！?/P>

更多信息請(qǐng)查看節(jié)日。禮儀